My Strong Willed Child vs a Compliant Child

I consider myself a good mom. In fact, others have noted my “great mom” skills. If that is the case, why does my child not listen to me the first time?!

I feel like I’m constantly repeating myself, “Put your clothes on. Put your clothes on. It’s time to put your clothes on! Don’t make me tell you another time…”

On the other hand, he’s always repeating himself to me, “Mama, mo mo cookie. Mo mo cookie! Mo mo cookie!” Making sure his demands are met, or else a meltdown will ensue in 3…2…1.

Lord – is this your way of punishing me for behaving this way towards my parents? If so, I repent! Please help my defiant child! It was obvious over quite some time, my prayers to break off the spirit of defiance was not working.

Clearly, God spoke and said, “This is MY perfect child. My child is a blessing. Understand him and guide him.”

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6

In my research to understand my child (see Not Consumed How to Help your Child), I learned he is an SWC (Strong-Willed Child) and not so much a Compliant child (CC). Compliant children tend to listen to their parents the first time. SW Children never give up on their wills.

SW Children are known to:

  • Never Give up
  • Be Zealous
  • Be Stubborn
  • Be Outspoken
  • Be Passionate

Complaint Children are known to:

  • Listen the first time
  • Love the rules
  • Be Peace-loving
  • Be a pleaser

As a parent, there are also some challenges to raising these two types of temperaments. These temperaments is  part of how God programed SW Children and Compliant Children, and it is up to me to decide how to work with these types.

A quote I found stated that “The temperaments of children tend to reflect those of their parents. Two strong-willed parents are more likely to produce tough-minded kids and vice versa.” Okay, so my child takes after me. Now how to deal?

Dr. James Dobson, author of “The Strong Will Child: Compliant and Defiant children,” says it’s best to not “fix” their temperament, but to require them to follow your leadership. He also states to treat your child with love & dignity, making sure to praise them verbally, or through affection & attention.

Key word: leadership. This word rang through my mind. Leadership is showing my child that I respect his wishes, but possibly giving him better options to choose from. I need to steer away from the authority of control and treat my child as a human being…even if that means more patience than I can bear.

Ultimately, his passion and stubbornness means he is willing to stand up for what’s right. He’s going to use what he believes in to stand up for God’s Kingdom to accomplish amazing things. He may be a pastor or evangelist. He maybe a motivational speaker, touching the lives of many.

No longer do I feel the guilt of having a child that doesn’t listen the first time, but I have a child that will be on fire for what he’s passionate about.

Do you have a SWC or CC? If so, I would love to hear about it! Please comment below!