“Habitual negative social comparisons can cause a person to experience greater stress, anxiety, depression, and make self-defeating choices.
“I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness.”
— Jack Canfield
How to Watch for Comparison Statements:
Be careful of the “-er” ending in words you use when describing your children and the use of “than”
Tommy is “stronger than” John
Be careful of comparison to your’s or other people’s past experiences
Be careful of the “whys”
Remember, what children see and feel when hearing these statements:
- They see someone as being better than them
- They become afraid of failure
- They lose their self-worth & value
- They lose their identity and their uniqueness
- They build resentment towards other kids
- They build resentment and bitterness towards caretakers
Even at a young age of 2, when my son hears these, I know deep in his Spirit, it affects him. If these statements are being used against him, he becomes more bitter and resentful towards specific children.
- Empathize with them. If they are yelling, try and figure out why they are yelling. Perhaps they are frustrated, upset. “I see that you’re upset because you’re yelling.”
- Praise them for their own past efforts and improvements. “You are so much more better coloring within the lines than you were yesterday! Good job!”
- Notice their strengths, not their weaknesses. “You are smart for figuring that out!”
Have you been guilty of making these comparison statements? Have you heard other people use them against your own child? Have you heard of other comparison statements? Tell me about it! I would love to hear from you!